This is part two. Check out part one where I talked about the first step to recover from a major setback.
As you learned in the previous part, the first thing you need to do when you feel down is give yourself permission to mope. Of course, you need to do this in a controlled, healthy way.
The second thing you need to do is to confide in somebody.
You will be amazed how much it helps just to share what you are going through with somebody else.
The other person does not even have to give you feedback. In fact, it’s often BETTER if they don’t.
While unburdening yourself is essential for getting past a failure, it’s important for you to understand that sharing is NOT about getting the other person to “fix” things for you. Instead, their role is just to be there – to understand and accept you – while you express what you are going through.
In fact, that’s the way therapy works. The role of most therapists is not to give you groundbreaking advice about how to deal with your problems. Most therapists spend their time LISTENING – and then asking probing questions to help guide you in a certain direction.
But you have to choose WHO you confide in very wisely. It’s always best to confide in somebody who you can TRUST 100%. Yes, sometimes sharing with total stranger can be therapeutic. But confiding in someone who really cares about you and has your total trust allows you to be more open.
It could be a family member, your closest friend, a mentor, a coach, or just someone who has known you for a long, long time.
But what’s key is the person should accept you, care about you, and listen without judging you.
You’ll develop these types of relationships over time. Personally, I have a small select group of people I go to when I’m having a rough time in business. I have an even smaller set of people I confide in when I’m having personal problems.
What if you don’t have people in your life you would feel comfortable being open and honest with? Listen, this should be a wake-up call to build those solid relationships! I’m telling you, having those types of people in your life is amazing and will make it A LOT easier to get through difficult times.
So, that’s step two. If you suffered a setback and are feeling down, allow yourself to mope for a while and then express your feelings to somebody you trust. Those two steps alone will help you tremendously.
But… we are not finished yet! In a few days I’ll post part three, where I’ll talk about the next step. In the meantime, work on Step 1 and Step 2 and see what a BIG difference they make. (Part 3 is now online, check it out here!)
6 Responses
I’ve tried this, only to be critizied by everyone that I’ve ever opened up to!
Valerie – this comes back to my post about negative people. You’re talking to the wrong people…We have to focus on building a strong support group around ourselves that won’t do that!
Yes those are good advise but what about if you have no one you can talk too I have been in this position and I have found that when you write in a book all of your feeling and trouble it does help but the best lifter in my book is listen to up lifting music clean your energy and read books about how you can improve your live or books about the power of the mind
Writing a journal or a blog and even finding people ONLINE to talk to is a GREAT idea!
I read the article and understood as it was well written. I laughed half-way through when I realize I’ve always been the person that other people go to talk with when they are in the “down” place. Being typically high energy and in good spirits is how others see me and when I deviate or move to the other side of the spectrum I tend to with draw for the time I need.
Its a great piece of advice. Unknowingly I have tried this many times in the past . When something was bothering me I shared it with my friends and felt very comfortable like the problem never existed ever.