Failure is a part of success. If you are afraid of failure and do not put yourself in situations where you might fail, then you will never succeed at anything meaningful.
Of course, this means that sometimes you WILL fail. You will put yourself in situations where you are lying on your back, bruised up, unsure of how you are going to get back up. How you deal with these situations will play a huge factor in your how successful you become.
Recently, I went through some of the most challenging weeks in my life. I felt overwhelmed, frustrated and pissed off at myself because of some mistakes that I made.
This has happened many times to me, and I am actually pretty good at handling it now. So in this series of posts, I’m going to share with you a five step process that will help you deal with these situations.
If you follow these five steps, you will be able to process the situation, regroup and come out even stronger than before.
In this post I want to talk about the very first step: giving yourself permission to mope.
I know, that’s a strange thing to hear. How can it be okay to feel sad and get down on yourself? Well, whether you want them to or not, those emotions you feel are going to come out. The question is whether they will come out on your terms or not.
When you are feeling down, depressed or upset, it’s not as big of a deal as you think. No matter how successful you become, you will have moments where you feel these emotions.
Feeling bad is not a sign that you are a failure. It’s a sign that you tried and simply failed, which happens to everybody. Allow yourself to go through the healthy process of allowing these emotions to flow through you.
For some people, this means taking some alone time and just moping around. Others go through a different process. It doesn’t matter, just make sure you actually allow yourself to feel bad.
The key thing is to do it on your terms. Don’t suppress the emotions, but don’t be a slave to them, either. That means saying to yourself, “OK, I’m going to allow myself to mope for the next 60 minutes. After that, it’s time to let it go and move on.”
You see, the problem most people have with moping is that they stuff their feelings. That doesn’t work. BIG emotions don’t go away if you push them down. It’s like trying to jam 10 pounds of trash into a 5 pound bag – it all spills out sooner or later and makes a big mess of your life!
And what’s worse – the more you allow negative feelings to linger, the more they prevent you from taking any kind of action.
But if you claim control over the process, you can enjoy the cleansing benefits of moping – and without the disastrous consequences of allowing that moping to paralyze you.
The next three posts are about going through this process so that it fuels your rebound rather than holding it back.
27 Responses
Anik, I like your stuff though I didn’t get any results from implementing IMLobby. Anyway…I’d like to be a little blunt here. I think people like myself look at online money making opportunities like going into any hardware store: I want to buy a tool that works. No one has to give me a pep talk or psychoanalyze me before I walk out of the store. So if I look at a pitch, webinar, or sales page, I just want whatever I purchase to be relatively easy and straightforward to learn and implement….and it should work. I’m not asking for a rapid six figures, but can I see results quickly, and get up to a couple of hundred dollars a day fast? Just my 2 cents. Maybe I’m looking that the whole make-money-online thing wrong.
Great Anik!!! This is exactly my strategy…I always let my sad feelings come and let go then..and it always works!!!
Between I am enjoying the FOW course by you these days.its pretty interesting!!!
Thanks Ushah!
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I like how you allowed us to MOPE, but whats funny is that you only allowed 60 seconds. Well for me it takes a little longer. Anyway thanks for its okay to mope. My problem is that I’ll be so hard on myself that I don’t need anyone else to say a word. Always thinking of how I could have done things differently and what to do better next time…
I think you misread it. I read it as 60 minutes but you are right, 60 seconds is pretty short!
Anik, thanks so much for this post. Being human is a very complex set of experiences which include “failure” as part of the package. I like your real view and understanding of how to address process and integrate the outcome. I think it is very important to deal with the “whole package” when it comes to pursuit of dreams. It’s all about the balance. Thanks again.
Lou – YES!!! Too many of the personal development gurus teach things that I feel just COVER the reality… rather… I say lets FACE the reality head on!
And yet so often in life we are taught that failure is not an option and not to let your heart get in the way. Emotions are normal it is your response – rather than reaction – to emotions that counts. I am going to share this link with a few people I believe need to know!
Anik,
I am working the VSSMIND FOW course. It is absolutely the best think I have found after several years of searching. Thank you so much!
Della, that is so kind of you to say! You just put a BIG smile on my face!
Taking time to deal with emotions is a very wise strategy. As you say, Anik if you don’t, they can spill over and may show up as crankiness with others, self critical mental tapes, addictions or tight muscles.
Sometimes though, people don’t know what to do with their emotions. As a counsellor, and someone who practices these strategies myself regularly, my top three strategies for dealing with feelings are these: talking about them with someone who will listen, or writing them down if by yourself, shedding tears if they come up and/or taking 10-15 minutes to meditate.
For more emotional wellbeing tips visit – http://www.gracefulsolutions.ca
I couldn’t agree more Grace… it takes releasing your ego to be able to do this though!
I like the suggestion to put a time limit on your ‘moping’. I think that was a very helpful suggestion and I will be using that for sure… thanks!
I am not no failure just have things to do.I have been in business in the past and due to illness had to close it-so I know about focus okay!
Hey Marvelous I think you took that a bit personally – it wasn’t intended that way. I was not calling you a failure, I was simply saying that at some point and time we always get these negative feelings and this was about how to handle those.. that’s all..
A great explanation–not only do the stuffed emotions “spill over” but they become what I call an “invisible rudder” that is more in charge of the direction our life takes than we are!
I love that analogy!! Invisible Rudder hahaha
When it rains it pours so I remind myself to never let my emotions affect my actions and to always breath before making any extreme decisions. Your blog is good advice. Thanks
Thanks Greehouseme!
Anik love the future of wealth product it has bring clarity and has made me take action on my business
Thank you Sylvie!
I started a non for profit foundation, named it as
Grassroots music foundation.
WE would like:
3011 W. 183RD. Street
Homewood, Illinois 60430
(815 ) 517 – 2858
Grassroots Music Foundation.
501-C non for profit.
Our Mission is to: Remove the barriers associated
with access to music for all people, and promoting musical artists at the
grassroots level.
Our long term goal is to bring a musician’s holiday to the
people…To honor musicians that have passed and left their legacy behind for us to enjoy.
We are looking for additional partners, if you like what we
do and have a compatible mission for your company or organization; please feel free to contact us at grassrootsmusicfoundation@gmail.com.
We don’t believe in doing this alone, if it wasn’t for the
musicians and the fans, we wouldn’t exist.
Our audience is the largest in the world, just to name a
few.
Band’s / Solo Performers
Music Stores(CD / Vinyl) Booking Agencies
Music Video Production
CD Duplication
Photographers
Distributors (Instruments)
Practice Space Distributors
(Music) Pro Audio Gear Engineers
Producers Entertainment
Entertainment Law Firms
Production Companies
Graphic Art & Design
Promoters Instrument Rentals
Promotional Merchandise
Instrument Repairs
Publications Instrument Stores
Publicity / PR Firms
Management Companies
Radio Stations
Manufacturers Record Labels
Mastering Recording Studios
Mobile Recording
Security Music Conferences
Sound Reinforcement
Music Lessons community
Tour Managers
Music Licensing Venues
Music Publishing
Web Resources
So how about it,Help us change history,
Will the government to pass a national holiday?
for musicians that have passed away and left their legacy behind.
This is the start of something big
We are now in the process of opening a web sight produced by our local university that will future partitions in all fifty states and place for donations to make this happen.
We plan to compile and submit these petitions to the government for a
National or Hallmark,Holiday,
MUSIC IS THE LANGUAGE OF ALL PEOPLE
This Music day will be on Longest day of the year, (SOLSTICE)
So join us on Face book
Fecebook.com/ grassrootsmusicfoundation
We will notify you when the web sight is available to vote
for your favorite music category & place your name on this historic
petition.
http://www.grassrootsmusicfoundation.com
Thank you,
The management
Grassroots Music Foundation
_____________________________________________________
What do you guy’s think?
Can we get any help out there?
We just need enough capital to get the first concert off the ground, these concerts will go on for infinity.
Expressing emotions is the single strongest asset that all of us possess at our disposal. It makes a difference between winning and losing in life. We can’t just be logical beings and ignore emotions, which is something that most people try to do, and always fail in doing so, but then they just do it again, and again. Emotions, whether fear, love, hate, anxiety,…etc. they all are part of human nature and therefore should be used and taken advantage of.
http://healthyhumanhabitslifeplant.blogspot.com/2015/06/baby-talk-its-fun-but-is-it-hurting-my.html
Im in a real Hard spot this book is an attempt to get back on my feet and provide a home for my family.
What’s going on? What happened to you and your family that you feel so lost?